After we bought socks.....

I am convinced that God has a sense of humor.  I believe that he looks down at us at times and thinks "Silly child.  When are you going to learn that I am in control.  Here maybe this curveball will help."  And then he smiles, maybe even laughs.  

I say the aforementioned because my husband and I had it all figured out.  We just KNEW what we wanted in a child that we adopted.  We wanted an older child so that I could still work.  We were ok with a small sibling group, but thought that starting one at a time may be best.  We wanted a child that was ready to adopt because we didn't want the biological parents to "interfere" in our child's life once they were placed in our home. 

Insert God's sense of humor here {   }........

Our case worker called my husband to tell him that she thought she had the perfect children for us and could she come over to chat with us about them.  She wouldn't give us any details over the phone.  So DH called me at work and told me that I had to be home on time, because the case worker had called and she had the perfect children waiting for us.  I was stunned into silence.  This was really happening.  All of the waiting.  All of the anxiety.  All of the socks.  Were all now coming together.  

Addy Kathryn. 6 months old

Emma Grier, 20 months

Adoption Classes......

In order to adopt through the foster care system, potential adoptive/foster parents have to go through a series of classes, home visits, background checks and piles of paperwork.  You have to get a physical, be updated on your vaccinations and make some changes to your house.  All of it is worth every moment you have with your children when they come to your home, but it is stressful none the less.  

My husband and I went through our classes with a great group of people.  If it weren't for them, I don't know that I would have made it through.  See, I went into the classes knowing everything.  I mean, I have a degree in Social Work, for crying out loud.  Plus, I had wanted to be a parent for so long, that I was READY. I'd also been parenting all of my friends children for years.  Ok, actually I parented those children from afar.  On rare occasions I would babysit, but I just KNEW how to fix everyone's issues with their children.  

Your kids won't go to bed??? I have an answer for that.

Your kids are picky eaters??? I have an answer for that too.

Your teenager won't listen??? Well, good thing I'm here to fix that for you.

Um.....folks.....I am sure you have all figured it out by now, I know nothing.  Well not NOTHING, {yes, I know that's a double negative}; I could tell you about any stage of development you wanted to know about; cognitive, emotional, physical or social.  But book knowledge did not prepare me enough for the practical knowledge that a person needs to be a parent.

Thankfully, this epiphany occurred in class; before the Great Lord blessed us with any children that required our care.  I remember sitting there and all of a sudden, I teared up..... I stated a bit more loudly than I intended {this always happens to me} "But, we don't even have SOCKS!!" 

Now before you judge, I know many moms who have had a similar experience at some time during their pregnancies.  They were excited, but at some point that "HOLY CRAP WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS" kicks in.  For me, it manifested in socks.  As everyone in the room looked at me, some giggling, some thinking I was crazy, I went on to explain that my fear was not just because of the socks but because we didn't know what SIZE of socks to get.  Again, stay with me.  I know this sounds crazy, but for parents who are giving birth to their children, it is safe to say that you are going to buy new born socks.  With a few exceptions of gigantic babies, you aren't going to buy socks from the part of the store that you would for your 10 year old.  My issue was, I may VERY WELL need to buy socks for a 10 year old. Or 5 year old. Or 7 month old......DEEP BREATHS...DEEP BREATHS... I'm getting anxious just thinking about it.  

See the Good Lord saw fit to make me a planner.  Well when he did so, I found it necessary to take things into my own hands.  Often.  Too often.  So this meant that I needed {honestly I still do most of the time} to have my little plan in place.  Down to every detail.  Well for those of you who have ever adopted or are in the middle of adopting, you know that planning too many details ain't gonna make them so.  

So there I sat, in my class, knowing that we were about to be parents, worried about socks.  

Then I was reminded, Walmart is open 24/7.  And guess what...They sell socks.  All different kinds of socks. In all different sizes and colors.  Our child's feet would not be cold or frostbitten because I didn't have the right socks.  

I also had a sweet lady in my class that brought me a huge gift bag of socks the next class.  There were several pair, in all different sizes.  

We had the socks...........We were ready...............

Subscribe to my blog and YouTube channel!  

Blog:  www.reddersideofpink.blogspot.com

Instagram: Reddersideofpink

YouTube: Kari Ann Smith

Facebook: Redder Side Of Pink

Twitter: @Rsideofpink

Are they yours?

I get this comment.  A LOT.  Not because my children don't look like me, in fact, despite them being adopted, they look quite a bit like my husband and myself, but because people are insensitive, uncultured and stupid.  Not really.  That is my momma bear talking.  Really, I think that people are curious and just don't know how to ask the questions.  It does anger me though.  To my core.  I have thought of many answers to this question.  Most of them sassy and not very nice. 

"ARE THEY YOURS?"

"No.  I got them in aisle #3.  They are on special."

"No.  They are my neighbors kids.  I kidnapped them.  Shhh."

"{Looking in the cart/at my children} OMG!  Where did these kids come from???? SECURITY!!!"

"They are mine for the day.  I rented them to pick up guys."

I want people to know that I realize they mean well.  I really do try to be sensitive to the fact that they just want to know.  Adoption is interesting.  To those who have adopted as well as to those who have not.  But it's hurtful.  Really hurtful.  It's like asking a parent with a child that has special needs, what's WRONG with them?  Hurtful. 

People ask if I talk to their REAL mother, know their REAL mother, or any other fill in the blank question that includes the words REAL MOTHER.  Ahem.....I am not imaginary folks.  I want to shout from the rooftops when someone asks me those questions that, I AM THE ONE WHO CLEANS UP THEIR PUKE, WIPES THEIR NOSES AND MAKES SURE THEY HAVE WHAT THEY NEED.  I AM their real mother.  

I can only imagine the pain and aguish that the three women who gave birth to our 7 children feel knowing that I have a part in their child's lives or am raising their biological children.  I know from being a step child myself, that there is enough love to go around. In the movie, Step Mom, the biological mother is dying of cancer and comes to this realization.  This of course, is easier said than done.  

In moments of clarity, I am so grateful to the women who gave birth to my children.  I love them to pieces and would do anything for any of them.  I say I got the best of both worlds; beautiful children to love and no stretch marks.  God knew exactly the children to give us.  God knows the exact path our family needed to take.  

Our beautiful Family......How our decision to adopt came to be.

When my husband and I got together around 12 years ago, we discussed  having children together.  I had a significant back injury  10 years prior that would make being pregnant pretty difficult.  I would have to be on bed rest and in physical therapy for the majority of the pregnancy.  To further complicate matters, my husband had a vasectomy years ago.  We discussed reversing the vasectomy and the chances of paralysis with my back issues, and quickly decided on adoption.  Both of us are Social Workers and for us adopting through the U.S. foster care system, seemed like the most logical choice.

We knew we wanted a school age child so that I could continue to work.  It's funny how God has plans for your life that you are unaware, but end up being so perfect.  Needless to say, we did not get our school aged child.  We did not get anything we expected.  Our journey through adoption was difficult emotionally.  We were having a few issues in our marriage when we finally decided to go to the classes and fill out our application.  We had both been through a lot in previous marriages and so we sought couples counseling and decided to spend some time apart.  

Eventually we did get back together and have been working hard on our marriage since.  It isn't always easy and we aren't a perfect couple, but it works for us.  

Any way, enough sad stuff, now on to the fun stuff!!!  So we went to the classes, finished our paperwork and POW!  Here we sit.  7 children total.  3 from my husband's first marriage and 4 we adopted together.  I can not express to you how blessed we are to have been able to adopt.  3 of the 4 are siblings.  And 1 of them is not biologically related to the others.  But they are all ours.  Beautiful, sweet, independent, and OURS.  

I should tell you that the emotional roller coaster of wanting to have a child or children is not for the weak.  I am not the only woman on the planet who has desperately wanted a child and couldn't or shouldn't get pregnant.  In my case, I could get pregnant, but I shouldn't.  The chance of paralysiswas definitely  something to take into consideration and not lightly.  Since I had chosen the partner that I did, we also couldn't get pregnant unless we spent a ton of money to have his vasectomy reversed.  Even then, since his vasectomy had occurred 10 years prior to us getting together, the chances of the reversal being successful, were reduced significantly.  Adoption it was.

   

You have to understand, that I wanted nothing more than to be a mom.  Friends would get pregnant and I would get completely emotional.  I would tell them congratulations but really I was mad.  Mad at myself, mad at God, mad at everything.  I remember one night my husband asked me if I was ok with mothering a child that I hadn't given birth to.  That maybe God's plan for me was to mother someone else's child.  That conversation really resonated with me.  From that point forward, I was no longer angry when someone I knew got pregnant.  I knew that God's plan for my family was to be a mom, just not in the way most people were.  And you know what?  I wouldn't have it any other way.